Dreams Deferred

Two summers ago, I sat in Brother Mark Bennion's "Fundamentals of Literature Interpretation" class and read what Langston Hughes had to say about dreams deferred.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore —
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over —
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Of course I thought it was beautiful. How tragic, I thought, to defer a dream!

I don't want to be irreverent, especially toward one of my favorite poems, but I think Mr. Hughes might have been a little over the top with the whole explosion thing. I'm starting to think that, maybe, it's best if all our dreams don't come true.

When I was a little girl, I had it all figured out. I was positive that I was destined to do one of three things with my life. I either wanted to be a a checker—


a waver —

or, what I thought EVERYONE wanted to be:


A writer.

When Ryan and I registered at Target last weekend, I got to use the little scanner and feel the thrill of the beep. It wasn't as exhilarating as I thought it would be. And as good as I am at keeping a beat, conducting the music definitely isn't my favorite Church calling. But I couldn't live — I might, I daresay, explode? — without my daily dose of well-constructed sentences.

If I were to give a high school graduation speech this spring, I wouldn't tell anyone to chase all their dreams. I'd tell those 18-year-olds to dream, and to dream big. And I'd tell them to choose carefully which of those dreams they'd defer.

So they don't explode.

21

I turned 21 a week ago Saturday. Horray!

I remember when LeaDawn and I moved into our first apartment at Heritage Manor across the street from Hogi Yogi. We said — I'm not joking — "I hope we don't get any old, 21-year-old roommates who aren't any fun anymore." Now I'm 21, Leo's 21-and-a-half, she has a husband and I have a very, very cute fiance.

Definitely old and boring, yeah?

Who knew making donuts could be so fun? We made 21 of them, to be exact.And since I've been the big 2-1 for over a week now, I've pretty much got it down. There are a few definite perks to being so old:

1. My driver's license is now horizontal. I went to renew it and finally had that dreadful "under 21" removed from around my face. The lady at the DMV said, "Congratulations, you have a big girl license now!"

2. Ryan has three engaged roommates, and of the four of the fiances, I'm the SECOND-OLDEST. Not just another statistic, my friend ... I've got one of them by THREE YEARS. Totally brag-worthy.

3. Honeymoon in Vegas, anyone?

Miracle

Hello, everyone.

I'm scarce these days. but I have some SERIOUSLY good news. Seriously.

I'm finished with my homework for tomorrow. And it's only 10:20 p.m. Guitar Hero, anyone?

That's what he said

Hey everyone, it's Ryan.

I think it's about time I share the story of how I became the luckiest guy around. Bre doesn't know I'm writing this, by the way. She's in NYC. I miss that girl.

So, the engagement ring came into my possession (from a jeweler in Utah) on Thursday, February 26th. I knew it would burn a hole in my pocket, so I made plans to give it to Bre pronto. I wanted it to be a surprise, so I did all the things that would make our Friday night date seem like just any other Friday night; I bought her flowers, wore the shirt she likes me in best (it's brown), just happen to have made a CD of all our favorite songs and took her to Bajio, her favorite place to eat in Rexburg. No, nothing special. Nothing at all. I think she caught on pretty quick. That, and I'm sure she could tell that I was more nervous than I was on our first date.

For example, enjoy a couple of classic "Ryan Moments": Mishap # 1. I usually go to the ATM before a date, just in case my card doesn't work for some odd reason. I forgotten to go today. But I'll be ok, right? When I tried to pay, I was denied. I later found out that apparently, when you get a new card in the mail you have to call the bank and have them validate it... I'd somehow missed that little tidbit. So, I scraped every penny out of my wallet and still came up a dollar short. I had to ask Bre to ask her friends mom, who just happened at Bajio, if I could borrow a dollar. Mishap # 2. Bajio recently changed from using the tin pie pans to using actual plates. On our way out of the restaurant, that fact somehow slipped my mind and I threw the dishes in the garbage; the fun part was digging through to get them out. I was on a roll.

So, dinner is over. The exciting time has come. I'd hoped to go to for a walk in the hollow (a place where we would walk sometimes and it was just us), but it was covered in snow. So, I decided on a different special spot. We took a drive through the dry farms, like we often do. I had it all planned out. There was a spot up there where Bre and I had gone a couple of times during the summer - a little patch of grass with a swing set, where we could sit and talk and overlook Rexburg. It'd be the perfect place to pop the question. It, too, also buried in snow. So, casually, I flipped a u-turn and headed back into town... Bre was on to me by then.

A few minutes later, we pulled into the Rexburg Temple parking lot. We talked for a minute while looking up at the lights. I asked Bre if we could go for a walk around it. We walked and talked, and when the time felt right, I slipped the box into Bre's hand. Her eyes got big. I dropped to one knee, told her how much I loved her, and asked her to be mine.

The rest is history.

Did you hear?

I'm getting married!

Blame it on my full credit load, the magazine or even Ryan himself, but I haven't devoted nearly the time to my blog it deserves (oops! Sorry, blog ...). But since I got my SECOND-EVER blog request from Natasha (thanks Nat!), I'm again happy to oblige.

THE PROPOSAL
Of course, my favorite part is that it came from that cute boy in the picture and that it ended with this:

but I have a feeling that may not appease you. So, for your blog-reading pleasure, I've invited a GUEST BLOGGER to tell you all about how he did it. Take it away, Ry:

See next post - Duke is playing. But I sure am happy!

:) That's my Ryan. He's a keeper. I guess you'll hear that story later. But I'm a little less interested in the game, so while I pretend to pay attention for his sake, I guess I'll answer the other questions people usually ask:

THE DATE
June 13, 2009
THE PLACE
Rexburg Idaho Temple (the reception is in Rexburg, too)
THE COLORS
Brown and light blue (yes, that's North Carolina blue ... I call it "baby blue" for Ryan's sake)

Ryan= the best ever
Me= very very happy!

By popular demand

And, by "popular demand," I mean "The demand of my sister."

To all you Facebookers out there, I apologize. You've probably already seen this. But my AWESOME sister Jenny isn't part of that world, and she said she loves "25s" and requested that I put it up there.

Since I've never had a post request before, I'm totally honored. And obliged.

25 Random Things About Me:

1. I'm the youngest of six kids
2. I really like going to the gym
3. I have 18 nieces and nephews. That's more than pretty much everyone I've met at college.
4. I've worked for the Scroll since I started college and was editor-in-chief when I was 19. Sometimes people think I'm a super-senior because I'm still around, but I'm really a junior.
5. I look a lot like my mom and act a lot like my dad
6. My eyes have no real color — they're, like, blueish-greenish-grayish with yellow in them. I wanted to get colored contacts when I was younger but my brother Kendall told me he thinks my eyes are pretty and I've never wanted to change them since.
7. I've played the piano since I was six
8. I'm a total Daddy's girl
9. My sister is my best friend, and we're 10 years apart.
10. Ryan (my boyfriend) and I share cousins, but we're not related. We're on opposite sides of our cousins' family ... get it?
11. I have a REALLY high forehead, but I'm not balding. I was born that way.
12. I use to have really dark hair, but my dad said I looked "kind of gloomy," and he offered to pay to have it lightened up. He said he needed to "keep me marketable." Good thing I know he loves me. :)
13. I have the AP Stylebook pretty much memorized
14. I'm a closet bubble-gum pop music fan sometimes. My iPod has a bad habit of coming out with a Jonas Brothers or Taylor Swift or, sometimes, Miley Cyrus song. Don't judge me.
15. Sometimes I write stories in my head while I walk to class. And headlines.
16. I obsessively clean my ears. It's not unusual for me to do it at least once a day. And yes, I know that's not necessarily healthy.
17. I could eat string cheese and drink Viva chocolate milk with every meal and not get sick of it for at least, I daresay, a year
18. I really like reading. And it's a good thing, because I'm reading about a novel a week for one of my classes.
19. I've been to Hawaii twice
20. I choked on a penny when I was a year old. My mom slapped me on the back and it came flying out. Apparently you're not suppose to do that because it can lodge it deeper, but it didn't that time. I'm glad.
21. I played the violin in orchestra all through high school and, looking back, it's one of my favorite memories.
22. My favorite roommate just got married and I miss her sometimes
23. I've never seen Mary Poppins
24. I'm going on the MesoAmerica Tour for study abroad this summer.
25. Brown is my favorite color.

10 things you really want to know about

I have about a hundred million things I want to write about, but I have a mid-term tomorrow and about a million pages of political science/The Great Gatsby/Media Law cases to read before the weekend, so I'm going with the classic random list of what's in my brain/life as of late:

1. First and foremost, my friend Lindsay Law and I (both of us are former Scroll editor in chiefs) were given the FANTASTIC job of producing BYU-Idaho's firstever student-produced magazine, Bride's Guide. The Bride's Guide has been a special section of the newspaper in the past but we got all fancy this time with glossy pages and all that. We sent it to the printer yesterday and it will be next to the Scroll on racks across campus by Feb. 12. But if you're like me and just can't WAIT to hold it in your hands (try to contain your excitement, please), here's a teeny tiny sneak peek of what the cover might look like:


And an inside page/"my favorite thing I designed" might look a little something like this:

Keep your eyes out for this fantastic little piece of journalism.

2. I've been thinking a lot about the First Amendment and freedom of speech and all that because I'm in a Media Law and Ethics class this semester. It really is a total double-edged sword — the same thing that protects me from being arrested for going to church protects stupid people from being arrested for saying REALLY stupid things. Sometimes it's hard to live with it, but we most certainly can't live without it.

3. I got a new phone today. :)

4. You know how everyone makes a big deal out of missionary's shoes? How they're all worn out when they get home and everything? Well I have this pair of shoes that I bought for my high school graduation, and I'd put them up against ANY missionary's shoes. I wore them to Chicago in Summer 2007 when I worked at a camp for inner-city youth. I wore them to Washington, D.C., for a journalism conference that fall. I wore them through weeks and weeks of EFY counseling this summer. I wore them at the Hill Cumorah pageant. I wore them to school nearly every day — they've walked HUNDREDS of times from the Spori to the Ricks.

Anyway, I literally WORE A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF THEM. I was walking to the Smith last week, and I felt a wet spot on my sock. Another step, and it spread. More and more water came into my shoe, and by the time I got there the entire bottom of my sock was soaked. Yeah, I know. Pretty impressive, yeah?

5. Have you tried Burger King's Ketchup & Fries Flavored Potato Snacks? As far as we can tell, they're ONLY sold in BYU-Idaho Bookstore. Ryan Kunz found them and I'm hooked. They taste EXACTLY like ketchup and fries, but they look like Fritos. Whoa.

6. Have you ever noticed that love and hate are kind of the same thing underneath? We just finished the short story unit in my Fiction class and we all voted on our favorite and least favorite stories. Interestingly enough, Mark Twain got second place for "favorite" and won "least favorite." How many people do you know that are honestly neutral when "Twilight" comes up? Everyone has an opinion, whether it's good or bad, and as far as I can tell, they're often pretty similar when you really look at it. (i.e. "I hated Twain because he didn't describe enough!" "I loved Twain because he said exactly what he meant without any fluff!" See what I mean?)

7. I still love (OK, live for) The Office.

8. I REALLY need a new camera. Just a little snapshot camera. Any suggestions?

9. I'm totally getting into this Family History thing. SO cool. I highly suggest it.

10. Confession: I'm taking a internet design class (i.e. html and CSS coding). And I LIKE it (Sandlot, anyone?). I'm a total nerd.